Chemo round four...

30^th May, 2012

Back at the cancer clinic, we were sitting in the waiting room, where all the regular patients were exchanging stories of their fortnight’s experiences.

We sat next to a lady who started to talk to us about her friend’s battle with Leukaemia. They had travelled from Canberra, as her friend needed to have a stem cell transplant (not offered where they were) therefore, she was to continue her treatment at Westmead. The lady provided us with a couple of brochures about the bone marrow register. I told her that I had heard that donating stem cells was as easy as donating blood. A lot of people assume that donating is an awful procedure but it's not at all. Anyway, the reason we got onto that topic was that her friend was struggling to find a perfect stem cell match as the awareness just wasn't out there. I agreed & took a few brochures to hand out at work, as a way of helping to broaden the awareness.

So aside from the clinic running a little behind schedule, everything went smoothly with Chris receiving her treatment today. Yaye no clotting & she was able to receive her treatment through the PICC line.

Chris's brother Rob dropped in throughout Chris's treatment, the love & support of Chris's family is so beautiful & uplifting.

Towards the end of the treatment, Chris was tiring already. I could see it in her eyes & my heart felt like it was breaking all over again for her.

I find Chris completely inspirational with her ability to do her best to stay positive. On her few good days, prior to undergoing more treatment, you wouldn’t even know that she was sick. But, what I can’t forget is that this is huge, this is not an easy path. Chris is not the type of person that will completely open up & let others know what it’s really like for her, but I know, as I see her at her worst. So, I will tell her story & hope it gives others some type of understanding as to what it’s like to have your life turned upside down, as one battles with this disease.

 Chris really is something, yep, the woman I love & adore, sometimes I think she is too strong & should probably scream & cry just to let go of these tough times. Anyway, what can I say, she is a one of a kind, with a heart of gold.

Milestone lunches..

Milestone lunches...

In between Chris’s treatment, time seems to move slowly. Chris doesn't start to pick up again until at least the following Thursday (a week or so) after treatment.

Throughout the week, when I have to go to work, Chris spends days by herself or her Mum, brother & sister pop by to look after her. However, there is a lot of alone time, where Chris can do nothing but sleep or just rest on the couch as she just doesn’t have the energy to get out of the house. That type of alone time for a person that was usually busy with work (Chris hasn't worked now for 5 weeks), family & social plans, really starts to take a downward effect. That coupled with a constant feeling of sickness is enough for even the most positive of people to sometimes get down.

Chris's spirits were particularly down this week & I could see her disconnecting from people & depression slipping in.

Dam it if I was going to let that happen..Once Chris was feeling a bit better, I took a couple of days off & decided I was going to get her moving & out of the house. I spoke to Susie & fortunately she was available, so it couldn't have been more perfect. It was time for a milestone lunch to celebrate how far Chris had come.

We drove into town & quickly stopped in at Newtown. We got Chris a great jacket & a new top, sometimes a little retail therapy is just what the Dr ordered.

We then all headed off to Neil Perry’s Rockpool Bar & Grill restaurant, for a well deserved long lunch. Wow, the building was just gorgeous..Old art deco heritage, built around 1932, it is just stunning, the picture below is of the roof top shot of Rockpool.

We started with seafood entrees & for mains Chris ordered a steak for her main (a good iron fix) I ordered the crispy king george whiting fillets with “crazy water” & Susie had wagyu bolognese with hand cut fettuccine.

But let’s face it, it’s really all about the deserts & might I add they were divine; I ordered petite fours, salted caramels & a devil’s food cupcake. Susie had a dark chocolate pudding tart with chocolate sorbet & Chris had ice cream profiteroles, gah amazing. Our lunch went over the space of a few hours, we ate leisurely, it was heavenly & just what Chris needed to pick her up & pop her back into the land of the living.

Me & my baby, so good to see that smile!

The dark chocolate pudding tart with chocolate sorbet.

 The ice cream profiteroles.

A beautiful photo of Susie & Chris.

We decided that milestone, celebratory lunches, need to be a regular thing & that we shall all dine our way around Sydney, celebrating Chris battle!

Another shot of the inside of Rockpool.

Chemo...Round 3

16th May, 2012

 

Today started with the usual anxiety. It's always difficult, no matter how much love & support Chris receives, no one can take away the anxiety that builds behind these days. The effects from the chemo always lingers, so this doesn’t help to reduce that anxiety.  By the end of each fortnight, Chris only just starts to feel semi normal again & then, back for more she goes.

Anyway, we soldiered on, we arrived at the clinic at 9.30am & Chris was seen by a different nurse who abruptly stated to Susie that it’s only one visitor at a time. Gah drainer, I mean, I understand it's not a spectators sport but Susie, Magda & I; all want to be in with Chris to support her.

So, Susie & I were banished to the waiting room. Susie told me that prior to being sent out of the ward the nurse was having issues accessing Chris’s PICC line. This meant that taking bloods & inserting the chemo through the PICC line was not going to be an option, due to there being another clot. Arghh, this was another setback, I mean, on top of the usual anxiety just to receive the chemo, there was now another issue that needed to be addressed. So, the way it ended up was that Chris had to have her bloods drawn first, wait for the results, then have the chemo administered through a catheter which was inserted into a vein in her hand.

So the next thing I know, Chris walked out to the waiting room, dragging her IV pole, with a catheter sticking out of her right hand, attached to a line of saline solution (flush), that also had another line attached, for the point of another outlet to run the chemo through.

We sat in the waiting room, while the hours rolled by. We waited for the blood results & waited for some answers as to why Chris’s PICC line appears to constantly have issues. Yep, it was like we were in the hospital time warp again.

As we sat in the waiting room, I noticed that the baskets (knitted goods donated by volunteers) were full of gorgeous mini prayer bears & there was a particularly perfect one, completely rainbow knitted!

So, around 2.00pm they called Chris back in. Her blood results were back & her chemo was made up, ready to go. They also advised that a senior consultant would be around later in the day to have a look at Chris’s PICC line to try to unblock it.

5 hours after arriving at the cancer clinic, it was finally time for treatment. I sat with Chris as she received the Adriamycin (aka the red devil). By that stage, Chris was anxious & irritable (I totally didn’t blame her). As the Adriamycin was pushed through by the nurse, it was as though we were both holding our breath. This was mainly because the chemo was being administered through the catheter in the vein in her hand. I asked Chris if it was hurting & thank goodness she said no (although, I sometimes wonder how much she holds back to not worry us). As the nurse continued the treatment, Chris mentioned that her arm (which was receiving the treatment had gone stone cold. Fortunately, the nurse wrapped a heated towel over Chris’s arm whilst she continued to receive her treatment.

At around 4.00pm, the senior consultant came over to Chris. She told us that she was going to insert a liquid into Chris’s PICC line to unblock the clot. Chris asked what the liquid was & she called it “Draino” (obviously not the real name but it supposedly has the same effect). So, there was Chris, having Chemo pushed through one arm & ‘Draino’ pushed through the other.

It was hard, as by that time, everyone was exhausted. Chris had been up since 5am & I could see the fatigue in her eyes. Anyway, all we could do was be happy that there was a solution to unblocking the PICC line. Basically the ‘Draino’ sat in Chris’s line for an hour & a ½ & then the nurse withdrew the solution, prior to running saline solution through, then locking it off with Heparin. We were told that instead of 10ml of Heparin, they will now lock off the line with 20ml of Heparin, hopefully, this will assist in reducing future clotting (along with the Clexane that Chris’ continues to inject into her stomach twice a day).

Finally, we were done. Chris & I shuffled out of hospital & made our way home.

We just snuggled up together, with a little couch time & some good TV to get lost in.

Below is a picture of the bear (with a sad face), we had taken to strolling around the hospital to pass time. 

And some clever artwork in Westmead hospital we noticed on our stroll.

Never giving up...

05^th May, 2012

It’s now the third day after Chris’s 2^nd chemo treatment (counting chemo day) & it appears, after each treatment, that things will always be different. 

The Dexamethasone that she takes for the following 2 days after her treatment didn’t have the same effect as last time, as there was no surge of energy this time. 

I recall Chris touching her face & saying that her skin didn’t even feel like her own & that she was getting this feeling of ants crawling up her neck. I just can’t believe that she has to go through feeling like a stranger in her own body. Chris’s naturally oily skin has started to become dry & the cuticles around her finger nails have gone all raggedy. So, I swiftly decided to dig out my paraffin wax machine & give her a paraffin manicure, anything to try to lift her spirits.

Man, this treatment really is a bittersweet one. The side effects of the chemo alone are like struggling with another illness but fortunately this treatment; along with its crappy side effects, is what kills the disease. So, we just have to take whatever strength of positivity we can from that.

Since the 2^nd treatment, Chris has had three consecutive nights of restless sleep where she woke up at around 4.00am. Chris was quite flat today, feeling nauseous with zero energy, so we hibernated just like two bears.

Chris doses off, from time to time, through the days that have past & I love listening to her soft breathing. It is so comforting & brings about a simple feeling of happiness & hope that these down days will soon pass.

We had some good friends drop by last night & they bought with them the most fabulous Lebanese sweets. We talked & laughed about life, ageing & the radical days of our youth. It’s so nice to be momentarily distracted & to feel a little normalcy. I’m so glad that Chris can still enjoy sweets, thank goodness for small mercies. 

My thoughts go out to everyone fighting this disease, so please do not read the above & think that you will go through any of this. Everybody is different. This is not an easy path, but surviving & beating this disease is paramount, so please never give up. 

Ding ding round two chemo

2nd May, 2012

Today, we both woke up fairly anxious as we both had a restless night’s sleep, due to today's events.

Chris’s anxiety started yesterday, just thinking about today’s treatment & understandably so. I wish there was an easier way to kill this F@#ker and heal Chris sooner, without having to undergo such a harsh treatment. Chemotherapy for Hogkins Lymphoma is a particularly aggressive type of chemo, yes in most cases, it works but it kills me to see her suffer.

This morning, whilst sitting in the chemo ward, there was a weird tick, tick, ticking noise. It reminded me of a bomb which was about to detonate, but it was just the electronic drip which doses out the amount of chemo treatment to the patients & it creates a symphony of ticking.

Today we had a male nurse. He seemed a little distracted & he stuffed up a bit when cleaning out her PICC line. Arrhh, we quietly scream to ourselves! But I must say all in all the nurses are truly amazing, they all have great humour & are fastidious about their jobs, which we love.

Once Chris’s PICC line was flushed and cleaned, they gave Chris her pre meds which are zofran, dexamethasone & an antihistamine.

The nurse then ordered Chris's chemotherapy treatment (A,B,V & D) to be prepared.

Chris took the A,B & V the usual way being injected/pushed in by the nurse, through her PICC line.

When it came time for the D, the nurse remembered what happened last time with the itching & her reaction, so he decided to let the drip run over an hour 1/2 period & this, along with her pre med (antihistamine) worked well, Chris had no adverse reaction. Yaye!

When Susie arrived she had a little present for Chris, (Susie you really are amazing) It was a book about Lance Armstrong's battle & recovery from cancer, some brilliant motivational reading.

Susie noticed the wig room at the end of the chemo ward & we decided that we would pull out every colour & length of wig they had and we were going to trial each of them on Chris.

So first we tried a long blonde number, Susie and I “Oooh’d & Ahh’d” & then we all broke out into hysterics. Yes now a long black one “Ooh not to bad”, next up, was a dark bob, followed by an Albert Einstein looking wig... bah haa we were all in stitches once again. Oh & FYI Chris won’t be donning any wigs at all it’ll be beanie’s & hats for her all the way!

Then Kylie from the clinical trial came up to say hello to see how Chris was going. We talked about how long the treatment will run for as we were all under the impression that her last treatment would be at the end of July & then Kylie just looked at us & said no she will be having chemo until the end of October!

"Oh what" we all just said in unison...none of us honestly recalled anyone ever saying that to us. So obviously this came as quite a shock,  but we just said "well what can we do", & we just decided to go back to the day by day outlook otherwise looking at the long term gets a bit overwhelming. So day by day it is.

When the day started, it was bad enough to know that today was day 2 of 8 Chemo treatment sessions but now to know that there are 13 Chemo sessions to undergo is truly devastating.

Once Chris got home she had something to eat & just crashed, her reaction compared to the first treatment was immediate and negative, it’s honestly heartbreaking to see the person you love so knocked for six.

Chemotherapy is toxic and kills your body’s good cells, as well as the cancerous cells. I just hope that rest and nutritious meals will allow minimal damage to Chris’s good cell’s and allow her body to recover quickly. Unfortunately this is the path we must take to heal.

It’s been 4 hours since we left the hospital and Chris seems to be suffering. She’s nauseous and nodding off. She has 0% energy, her words are slurring and it pains me so much... I feel helpless. But I know we have the strength to get through this.

And get through this we will!!!! 

Love you eternally my baby, you will beat this! Xx