The in between moments

4th July 2012

At the last PICC clean/flush, Chris experienced what has now become the usual blockage issue. Chris spent most of last week popping in & out of hospital to get that sorted, which included the fantastic process of flushing the 'draino' mix through.

So, we are now (hopefully) just over half way through treatment & it seems like a world of time has passed since this all began.

This whole experience has had a profound effect on both of us. We have both battled the 'lows' of the hard days & done our best to lean against each other & see it through.

We regularly feel the 'highs' of the good days, days where people moving through life in a 'normal situation' might stop noticing..the warmth of the sun upon your face or the pure beauty in life’s smallest enchanting moments that just make you feel so glad to be alive & to have been able to share & appreciate that moment together.

Chris has been incredibly strong, beyond inspiring; her bravery is that of a bear, the way she quietly manages to keep putting one foot in front of the other through this difficult path. It really blows my mind the way Chris has just tackled everyday head on, she has weathered so many storms & still manages to give me her heart stopping smiles when I walk through the door.

I hear her conversations with people when they ask how she's doing, she minimises everything, plays down anything that she may really be going through.. But I will tell it as it is, just give her a little moment more when talking to her to allow her to really open up. Otherwise people just think 'Oh she’s fine, & look, she still has her hair!'. No, she’s not become bone thin..Chris wonders why she is the cancer patient that put on weight & kept her hair. Chris has said that she sometimes feels like an imposter when entering the cancer clinic for treatment. You gotta laugh. Gah I would freak out if she was wasting away to nothing..thank goodness!

Ah but I see it all, the complete exhaustion, the daily pain, the change in taste, constant foot cramps, numb finger tips, hear the multitude of medicine reminder alarms going off throughout the day, blood thinning needles she has to stick in her stomach, twice a day (her stomach is absolutely covered in bruises..I can hardly watch her inject). The anxiety that builds & brings sleepless nights days prior to the next chemo treatment. But Chris just continues to march into the clinic & have a laugh with the nurses when she is about to go under for days again with the sickness that the chemo brings about... she really is a trooper.

The minimal social life/interaction, coupled with no work/purpose can send anyone nuts but Chris seems to keep herself in check, though there have been so many days that I could see the extreme sadness creeping in.

I’m not shy to say what really goes on, so yeah I will tell it how it is….

But the chemo is working, as harsh as the treatment is, it works..thank God. It is also bringing Chris closer to being cancer free! YEAH!

We are seeing Dr Blood on 18th July & we have a barrage of questions for him, how much longer, why did he decide to remove the radiation from the treatment, will there be more scans so we can know it has all been completely eradicated at the final treatment.

We are honestly so thrilled to know we are on the upward spiral. We are counting down to life being given back to us completely. Here’s to being cancer free, PICC line removed & bottles of medicine thrown out.. Here's to life's exciting new plans coming into fruition.

I love you my baby, you are forever my hero… Xx